i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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