she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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