I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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