her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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