I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize