WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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