That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
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I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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