so explain again why im purple
no
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
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He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
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If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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