so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
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Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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