He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
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Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
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Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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