I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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