I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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