Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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