chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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