OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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