If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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