just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We won't sleep together?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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