At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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