I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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