oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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