yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
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"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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