I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
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Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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