i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
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I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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