I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
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is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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