Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We have started to decorate penises.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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