Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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