I puked a lego.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
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I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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