I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
false alarm. still invincible.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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