Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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