Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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