Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize