Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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