she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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