I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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