Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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