put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize