tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize