shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
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My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize