Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
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She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
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When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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