My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
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I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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