We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize