I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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