How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
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I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize