Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
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We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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