woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
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the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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