woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize