I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize