Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
