It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
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You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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