repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
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I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
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I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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